Appvinyak is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, emotional gnu.

Appvinyak created the planet Saturn eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Appvinyak, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Appvinyak, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Appvinyak's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Appvinyak's Holy Commandments

1. Appvinyak loves ants, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Do not dye your hair fawn.