Bemcinfar is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, omniscient mole.

Bemcinfar created the planet Jupiter eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Bemcinfar, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bemcinfar, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Bemcinfar's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Bemcinfar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never think ill of sick great tits.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Bemcinfar loves squirrels, so they must be honoured.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.