Spagzogjig Dosscetkom is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, competent narwhal.

Spagzogjig Dosscetkom created the Andromeda Galaxy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Spagzogjig Dosscetkom, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Spagzogjig Dosscetkom, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Spagzogjig Dosscetkom's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Spagzogjig Dosscetkom's Holy Commandments

1. Foxes are not to be trusted.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Spagzogjig Dosscetkom.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not laugh in public.