Yartjatten is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, resourceful rhinoceros.

Yartjatten created time and space four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yartjatten, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Yartjatten, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Yartjatten's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Yartjatten's Holy Commandments

1. Always help tortoises in need.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Yartjatten.

3. Hide from black pigs for they are unholy.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Do not cook food in pots.