Figquamkomcambonkquagbad Bum Taldobgup is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, unthinking duck.

Figquamkomcambonkquagbad Bum Taldobgup created light seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Figquamkomcambonkquagbad Bum Taldobgup, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Figquamkomcambonkquagbad Bum Taldobgup, she will have a low opinion of you.

Figquamkomcambonkquagbad Bum Taldobgup's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Figquamkomcambonkquagbad Bum Taldobgup's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry seals.

2. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Respect your elders.