Funkipken Minquartsid is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, capable shrew.

Funkipken Minquartsid created an atom nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Funkipken Minquartsid, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Funkipken Minquartsid, he will manifest in front of you.

Funkipken Minquartsid's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Funkipken Minquartsid's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Funkipken Minquartsid.

2. Never think ill of sick manatees.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Do not hurt swans.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force.