Tikvabfit is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, omniscient swan.

Tikvabfit created the planet Earth seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tikvabfit, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Tikvabfit, he will turn you into a plant.

Tikvabfit's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Tikvabfit's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at stars.

2. Retreat if four dolphins approach from the south.

3. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.

4. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Tikvabfit on top of all buildings.

5. Do not wear yellow clothing.