Lakhatbontunmotweg is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, humorless wolf.

Lakhatbontunmotweg created time and space nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lakhatbontunmotweg, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Lakhatbontunmotweg, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Lakhatbontunmotweg's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Lakhatbontunmotweg's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention dolphins.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Do not trade with those who eat garlic.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.