Banbapxuckjen is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, sage dove.

Banbapxuckjen created the universe two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Banbapxuckjen, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Banbapxuckjen, he will boil you in a big pot.

Banbapxuckjen's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Banbapxuckjen's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never talk about black holes.

4. Banbapxuckjen must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Run away if eight gulls approach from the east.