Vagvennil Cisszanhotkin is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, all-knowing snail.

Vagvennil Cisszanhotkin created humanity seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vagvennil Cisszanhotkin, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Vagvennil Cisszanhotkin, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Vagvennil Cisszanhotkin's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Vagvennil Cisszanhotkin's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate porpoises.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never look at stars.

5. Always treat monkeys with great respect.