Gesslimged is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, idiotic pig.

Gesslimged created viruses seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gesslimged, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gesslimged, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Gesslimged's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Gesslimged's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump in holy places.

2. Always help tortoises in need.

3. Never paint your back violet.

4. Never write about gravity.

5. Always take life seriously.