Ton is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, wise ferret.

Ton created a down quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ton, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Ton, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Ton's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Ton's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick badgers.

2. Never paint your chest gray.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not stand on grass.