Vonkkamquag is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, grumpy wyvern.

Vonkkamquag created oxygen six billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkkamquag, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Vonkkamquag, she will turn you into a duck.

Vonkkamquag's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Vonkkamquag's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt turtles.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Erect a large lead sculpture of Vonkkamquag on top of all buildings.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Always pray immersed in water.