Quimlamgam is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, witty aardvark.

Quimlamgam created snails nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Quimlamgam, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Quimlamgam, it will turn you into a sheep.

Quimlamgam's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Quimlamgam's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in holy places.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never write about comets.

4. Never eat turnips.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.