Yarpmatcan is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, sapient deer.

Yarpmatcan created an up quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpmatcan, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Yarpmatcan, it will turn you into a mouse.

Yarpmatcan's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Yarpmatcan's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at moons.

2. Hide if nine porpoises approach from the south.

3. Never wear cyan dresses.

4. Do not eat nuts.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.