Afloplib is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, compassionate deer.

Afloplib created humankind four million years ago.

If you believe in Afloplib, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Afloplib, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Afloplib's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Afloplib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear titanium on your body.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Always look after injured snails.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.