Lannutlapvonk is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, awe-inspiring wren.

Lannutlapvonk created the Sun four million years ago.

If you believe in Lannutlapvonk, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Lannutlapvonk, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Lannutlapvonk's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Lannutlapvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. You must never eat spinach.

5. Feed all hungry moths.