Ratbencem Lablak is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, ill-tempered goose.

Ratbencem Lablak created a down quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ratbencem Lablak, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Ratbencem Lablak, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Ratbencem Lablak's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Ratbencem Lablak's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Ratbencem Lablak.

2. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.