Teenfigdan is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, proud wren.

Teenfigdan created life four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Teenfigdan, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Teenfigdan, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Teenfigdan's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Teenfigdan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sing in public.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Teenfigdan.

4. You must love Teenfigdan.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.