Ladnartquam is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, compassionate cow.

Ladnartquam created the universe four years ago.

If you believe in Ladnartquam, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Ladnartquam, he will think nothing of it.

Ladnartquam's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Ladnartquam's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your neck orange.

2. Do not jump in public.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Ladnartquam.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always help turtles in need.