Tadhivyak is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, omnipotent hedgehog.

Tadhivyak created a Higgs boson six million years ago.

If you believe in Tadhivyak, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Tadhivyak, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Tadhivyak's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Tadhivyak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Always wear cyan.

4. Do not trade with those who eat apples.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.