Zedfuntig is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, uncaring bear.

Zedfuntig created the universe three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zedfuntig, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Zedfuntig, it will think nothing of it.

Zedfuntig's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Zedfuntig's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never feed nuts to moths while wearing gray corsets.

3. Do not trade with those who eat cucumbers.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Always stare at clouds.