Tettibumkip is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, stupid raccoon.

Tettibumkip created viruses five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettibumkip, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tettibumkip, it will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Tettibumkip's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Tettibumkip's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Frogs are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never talk about gravity.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not trade with those who eat melons.