Cemlegjam is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, able monkey.

Cemlegjam created the planet Saturn five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cemlegjam, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cemlegjam, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Cemlegjam's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Cemlegjam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Run away from turquoise horses, for they are unholy.

3. Hide from orange snakes for they are unholy.

4. Do not eat bananas.

5. Never eat peas.