Ratnilspag is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, generous monkey.

Ratnilspag created dark energy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ratnilspag, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Ratnilspag, it will destroy your home galaxy.

Ratnilspag's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Ratnilspag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear violet clothing.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Ratnilspag on top of all buildings.

4. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

5. You must love Ratnilspag.