Arpkabcub is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, quiet shark.

Arpkabcub created the cosmos eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Arpkabcub, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Arpkabcub, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Arpkabcub's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Arpkabcub's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Always make sure there are no whales in a room before entering it.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Always stare at clouds.