Batfetveen Nartnarlbum is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, unsympathetic monkey.

Batfetveen Nartnarlbum created bats five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Batfetveen Nartnarlbum, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Batfetveen Nartnarlbum, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Batfetveen Nartnarlbum's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Batfetveen Nartnarlbum's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about sheep.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never think ill of sick eagles.

4. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

5. Never go into blue rooms.