Nulcetstik Zedquaflam is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, proud hydra.

Nulcetstik Zedquaflam created the Sun two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nulcetstik Zedquaflam, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Nulcetstik Zedquaflam, she will boil you in a big pot.

Nulcetstik Zedquaflam's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Nulcetstik Zedquaflam's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never think ill of sick geese.

3. Never paint your head white.

4. Never think about cell theory.

5. Always look after injured great tits.