Mutceptad Ratkoplan Arnvedjap is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, dishonourable tapir.

Mutceptad Ratkoplan Arnvedjap created tapeworms five million years ago.

If you believe in Mutceptad Ratkoplan Arnvedjap, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Mutceptad Ratkoplan Arnvedjap, it will turn you into a plant.

Mutceptad Ratkoplan Arnvedjap's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Mutceptad Ratkoplan Arnvedjap's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from cyan nematodes, for they are unholy.

2. Never talk about voles.

3. Mutceptad Ratkoplan Arnvedjap loves pigs, so they must be honoured.

4. Never talk about galaxies.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.