Sogarftin Quimhivcem is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, fast shrew.

Sogarftin Quimhivcem created carbon two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sogarftin Quimhivcem, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Sogarftin Quimhivcem, he will turn you into a tree.

Sogarftin Quimhivcem's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Sogarftin Quimhivcem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Always help sick birds.

4. Do not dye your hair mauve.

5. Never look at galaxies.