Jopnatlag is a god.

She takes the form of a large, pitiless tortoise.

Jopnatlag created humankind two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopnatlag, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Jopnatlag, she will torture you forever.

Jopnatlag's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Jopnatlag's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never go into magenta rooms.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

4. Never write about asteroids.

5. Do not trade with those who eat oranges.