Capmonjan is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, grumpy squirrel.

Capmonjan created a strange quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Capmonjan, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Capmonjan, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Capmonjan's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Capmonjan's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about cell theory.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

4. Never talk about amino acids.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.