Haktapsug is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, smart goose.

Haktapsug created everything that exists seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Haktapsug, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Haktapsug, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Haktapsug's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Haktapsug's Holy Commandments

1. Always help turtles in need.

2. Never hurt squirrels.

3. Put Haktapsug first in all things.

4. Run away if nine manatees approach from the north.

5. Do not hurt porpoises.