Ontcidyak is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, dishonest goblin.

Ontcidyak created viruses four years ago.

If you believe in Ontcidyak, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Ontcidyak, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Ontcidyak's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Ontcidyak's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

3. Never sit in holy places.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. You must love Ontcidyak.