Lampastan is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, omnipotent sheep.

Lampastan created oxygen two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lampastan, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Lampastan, he will turn you into a hamster.

Lampastan's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Lampastan's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if nine ants approach from the north.

2. Do not speak about onions.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never go into pink rooms.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.