Ontvaggab is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, humorless rat.

Ontvaggab created life four billion years ago.

If you believe in Ontvaggab, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Ontvaggab, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Ontvaggab's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Ontvaggab's Holy Commandments

1. Erect seven silver sculptures of Ontvaggab on top of important buildings.

2. Never look at galaxies.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Do not dye your hair blue.

5. Always wear orange.