Kipquatpak is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, almighty cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Kipquatpak created an electron nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Kipquatpak, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Kipquatpak, she will turn you into a plant.

Kipquatpak's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Kipquatpak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Never bounce near great tits.

3. Never sing in holy places.

4. Never talk about snakes.

5. Do not listen to music.