Pigbamstaf is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, emotional monkey.

Pigbamstaf created dark matter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pigbamstaf, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Pigbamstaf, she will destroy your favourite star.

Pigbamstaf's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Pigbamstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce in public.

2. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

3. Never sit in holy places.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Erect five gold sculptures of Pigbamstaf on top of important buildings.