Kimvilcen is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, competent dog.

Kimvilcen created the planet Earth two billion years ago.

If you believe in Kimvilcen, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Kimvilcen, he will destroy your home solar system.

Kimvilcen's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Kimvilcen's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about stars.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Kimvilcen.

3. Never sit near sharks.

4. Always wear turquoise.

5. Do not wear gray clothing.