Flapbegtin is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, deceitful hamster.

Flapbegtin created humankind four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flapbegtin, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Flapbegtin, it will turn you into a goat.

Flapbegtin's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Flapbegtin's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about cell theory.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

3. You must never eat bananas.

4. Hide if nine seals approach from the north.

5. Always obey Flapbegtin's priests.