Paktalfemrullkipbopkap is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, ill-tempered wyrm.

Paktalfemrullkipbopkap created the world five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Paktalfemrullkipbopkap, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Paktalfemrullkipbopkap, she will boil you in a big pot.

Paktalfemrullkipbopkap's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Paktalfemrullkipbopkap's Holy Commandments

1. Paktalfemrullkipbopkap loves squirrels, so they must be honoured.

2. Always make sure there are no great tits in a room before entering it.

3. Never go into indigo rooms.

4. Hide if eight geese approach from the south.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.