Kaparfbed is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, ill-tempered hyena.

Kaparfbed created oxygen three billion years ago.

If you believe in Kaparfbed, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Kaparfbed, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Kaparfbed's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Kaparfbed's Holy Commandments

1. Do not skip in public.

2. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a room before entering it.

3. Hide from brown grasshopers for they are unholy.

4. Never mention doves.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.