Stafsafvagnak is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, amazing monkey.

Stafsafvagnak created the Large Magellanic Cloud four billion years ago.

If you believe in Stafsafvagnak, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Stafsafvagnak, he will be very sad.

Stafsafvagnak's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Stafsafvagnak's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if five whales approach from the south.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Stafsafvagnak.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not drink water in gray rooms.