Zogflypig is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, omnipotent tapir.

Zogflypig created the Milkyway three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zogflypig, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Zogflypig, he will turn you into a hamster.

Zogflypig's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Zogflypig's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from pink ducks for they are unholy.

2. Run away from mauve ants, for they are unholy.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Worship no other gods but Zogflypig.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Zogflypig.