Flatgubarn is a god.

She takes the form of a large, tiresome cow.

Flatgubarn created dark energy nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flatgubarn, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Flatgubarn, she will refuse to believe in you.

Flatgubarn's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Flatgubarn's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

3. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a room before entering it.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Flatgubarn.