Flamnullzakteen Kadkanpakmid is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, irritating fish.

Flamnullzakteen Kadkanpakmid created Africa six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flamnullzakteen Kadkanpakmid, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Flamnullzakteen Kadkanpakmid, it will refuse to believe in you.

Flamnullzakteen Kadkanpakmid's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Flamnullzakteen Kadkanpakmid's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a room before entering it.

2. Seals are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never talk about frogs.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Always wear turquoise.