Farndonpit is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, thoughtless dryad.

Farndonpit created tapeworms eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Farndonpit, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Farndonpit, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Farndonpit's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Farndonpit's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no otters in a room before entering it.

2. Run away from violet monkeys, for they are unholy.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never think about planets.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.