Hitcumfarn is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, wise donkey.

Hitcumfarn created the Milkyway four million years ago.

If you believe in Hitcumfarn, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hitcumfarn, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Hitcumfarn's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Hitcumfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention moths.

2. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Do not wear lead on your body.

5. Do not stand on grass.