Fidkaphit is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, uncaring snail.

Fidkaphit created oxygen four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fidkaphit, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Fidkaphit, it will turn you into a puffin.

Fidkaphit's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Fidkaphit's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat peanuts.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Always wear turquoise.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Fidkaphit.