Quatfatkad is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, clever pigeon.

Quatfatkad created a top quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatfatkad, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Quatfatkad, she will turn you into a slug.

Quatfatkad's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Quatfatkad's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Quatfatkad.

2. Never go into green rooms.

3. Do not take Quatfatkad's name in vain.

4. Always help snakes.

5. Never talk about sharks.